Come what May…

So when is a good time, when are we ready? When do we set the time and say ok, here I am. I’m ready to leap. Or do we wait to be pushed. For fate to lend a hand and make it impossible to do anything else.

Is it when you’ve spent all your money setting everything up. When you have lots of fabric and you have blankets made and are ready to be sold but it’s going to a stranger… A friend you haven’t met yet. Someone whose reaction you can’t gauge. What if they hate it. What if, what if….and suddenly the overwhelming truth is that you are standing in a room and you feel ever so slightly paralysed by fear.

Procrastination hear me roar.  Fear ; Fear of rejection. Fear of not being good enough. Not being liked. Fear of getting it wrong. Being misjudged. Being found wanting.
I can’t remember which show I was watching but a creative man said ; It is not what you see but what you want others to see. Not what you hear but what you want others to hear.

So you look at quotes from people who have been there ( tho not necessarily in the blanket making business ) and you take comfort in the fact that anything worthwhile doing is in its very essence not easy to do. People will glibly tell me that if it was easy everyone would do it. But the very simple truth is that not doing it is the hardest thing. Not having conviction in myself. Faith in my creations. Not making something beautiful for someone. Not giving someone the pleasure of the comfort and warmth of a blanket is harder.

I could say I’m used to rejection but no one ever truly gets used to rejection. We all want to be loved, admired, respected and valued. Age has granted me the wisdom to simply be able to try and validate my part of the equation and the realisation that I have no idea what is going on with someone else.

I recently sold some clothes on eBay. I prided myself on my excellent feedback. Enjoyed taking the photos and writing up about the dresses. I had lovely people I sold to….. Until one. A month after having sold the dress and sent it off  lovingly wrapped in tissue paper I had feedback. It was negative. My first negative feedback and I was gutted. I emailed the woman. Her reason when I asked her why she hadn’t emailed me was that she couldn’t be bothered. When I explained I would have given her a full refund I was met with it was too difficult for her to get to the post office for what was only a few quid. It wasn’t worth her while. Long story short she  ended up apologising for leaving me negative feedback without giving me the option of sorting out the problem. Long story short my confidence was in tatters.

Having gone round in circles about how I can make BooTickety Blankets safe so that I won’t have to face negativity the simple truth is I can’t. I can only do my best and hope that that is good enough. Each blanket is made to the highest standard that I can make. Using the best fabrics. But. I have no control about how someone else sees something. How they feel about something. What their version of good enough is. And that is something that I have to accept.

Recently I had a loved one in crises, I tried to help, say words that I hoped would give comfort. Instead all I heard was ‘I know all this, you are not telling me anything new. I know the answers I just have to do it and I’m terrified.’

Isn’t that the truth, we already know the answers. We know our truth it’s just a question of believing in Ourselves. There really isn’t anything anyone else can tell us. They can only, perhaps help us have a little faith and the knowledge that there is no fear in failure only in regret.

So, back to the subject of time. I think the time has come to put it out there. The next blog will be an introduction to my Etsy shop….

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