I am not a planner. I never have been and I have accepted now that I shall never be. I admire those who can but I am not one.
I can set my parameters of what I hope to achieve but within that I have to have a freedom to express an idea, for me, plans inhibit.
In the last year I have regained my fearlessness. Something that I didn’t know I had ever had. Something that I hadn’t acknowledged I’d lost. Only when I once more felt the intensity did I know that nothing planned can ever be as exhilarating as taking an idea and just seeing where you can go with it.
To be fearless is to be limitless, you have no calculation on what can be achieved so therefore no plans can be put in place. From walking alone around Budapest and finding a vista which encapsulates your utter love for the city, to returning to a sport you loved as a child and finding as a grown woman you can still play, to looking at fabrics and working out a design for a blanket; all I can rely on is my own thought process. My own ideas. My own ‘try it once and see how you go’. It’s never easy. Its never without a small voice asking ‘are you sure?’ Or even ‘are you mad?’ And occasionally ‘Why you?’ Luckily I have a louder voice which answers back, ‘yes, quite possibly and Why not me? Who gets to tell me I can’t’….as my Grandmother always told me, there is no such word as can’t.
I have yet to make the same blanket twice. I know that at some point I may have to but until that time I shall allow each one to evolve on its own. Each one is a creation. An idea that I have. That a series of fabrics will work and compliment each other. That they will become a blanket that the person I am making it for will love.
Each blanket is made for someone. To keep someone warm. I’ve made them for people who have never used a blanket only to be asked can I make them another one, they want one for the bedroom as well as the lounge. One for their uni house as well as one at their boyfriends. They want one in a winter weight, summer weight, one to take camping, one for their father, husband, best friend, even for their dog. These are things I don’t feel you can plan for. You can have an idea of what it would be like to be able to create beautiful blankets for people that can keep them warm, that they feel attached to but you just can’t plan for that.
So I’ll keep to my lack of plans but wealth of ideas.